Friday, May 11, 2012

Things That Piss Me Off

This could be long. Hold on tight or GTFO. Just sayin.

Also, I had to edit the beginning to say, the word "fuck" is in this post more than I think I have ever accomplished. Count them for me. I'll give you a cookie.

 First of all, starting in May, southern Utah is pretty much the hottest place on earth, and not in a good way. I'm a true-blue red-head (uhh.. weird mixology of terminology) and I just can NOT take it. Temps reach 90 and you won't find me anywhere but a room with blankets covering the windows and the a/c on high. Or McDonalds with my kids, because they get really annoyed with my vampirism. The thing about McDonalds is, there are other kids there. And I hate other kids. Seriously.

 The hate really is more geared toward their fucking parents. Who shouldn't have fucked in the first place if they weren't prepared to teach children basic decent human behavior. Like, by the time you are 8 years old you should know that it's unacceptable to take a 2 yr old's toy from his MOTHER and try to walk away with it. And your FATHER should probably not just stare in amusement. Unless he wants to get junk-punched. Also, stepping on the 2 yr old will get YOU junk-punched. I'm just not tolerant of idiot behavior. Unless you are ACTUALLY mentally retarded, there is NO excuse (that's directed at both parent and child).

 My 2 yr old son is a handful. But you will not see him stealing other children's toys, hitting them, or trampling them. He is smart. He may be defiant, but he has been taught to behave on a level slighter higher than that of an untrained puppy BECAUSE I TAUGHT HIM THAT. If I can do that, as a single mother battling severe depression and anxiety plus other aforementioned situational things (PTSD, RTS, etc) ANYONE CAN. Got it? Cause next time I'll have your ass thrown out. While we're talking about age-appropriate behavior, I want to address this Time Magazine breastfeeding thing. (P.S. the linked article is, I think, a great tongue-in-cheek statement on the whole thing) Actually, just, here's the picture:

If you flinched, felt grossed out, disgusted, or turned on, you've got issues.

 Not the kid, not the mom.

 Let's start with some basic information. The breast on a female is made for feeding offspring. That is it's primary use. Kinda like, the butthole is used for pooping, but you can use it for other things (like sex) if you like it. Seriously, that's my take on it. It's about equal.
 The biggest difference is that nobody likes to see buttholes, really.. OK, some people do, but most aren't going to admit it, whereas breasts have been objectified to the point where MOST WOMEN (especially in Utah or southern California) feel the need to augment theirs to the point where they no longer look like breasts. They look like baseballs (or, pick a larger circular object) with nipples on them. That's not even the natural shape of a breast but whatever. Porn has ruined a lot of things.

 Oh, also, I don't condone pooping in public, but eating in public should be free reign for any person of any age, honestly. And hey, if you're in prison, this could get a lot more complicated.

  OMG, my analogies are not working out.

The thing is, I think that if you see someone using their butthole for it's intended purpose (i.e. somebody taking a shit) and you are totally turned on and then feel ashamed and want that person to cover up, I think you might have some issues. Wow, I've kind of gotten off-topic, because this is more about "EXTENDED" breastfeeding than public breastfeeding. Both things seem to offend people, but there's absolutely no good reason for that. Doctors and health specialists and basically everyone can agree, and in fact cannot argue that breastmilk is basically awesome, and pretty much liquid gold. It IS made not only exactly right for a human baby's nutrition, but YOUR body makes it exactly right for YOUR baby's nutrition. It's kind of amazing actually. If your baby is getting sick, your body reacts and makes antibodies and distributes them to your baby through your boobies. Freaking awesome!!!!

Depriving your child of this for any reason besides serious health issues or not having breasts at all is frankly selfish and disturbing to me. Depriving your child of eating comfortably at any time or place that they need nourishment is ... child abuse and neglect.
 I think if CPS came to your door and you were forcing your child to eat their dinner on the toilet every day, you'd have some issues, and yet people do suggest that women breastfeed in public bathrooms rather than offending them with the site of a little boobie skin (usually, we don't even get to see that awesome nipple or areola part). Usually, less skin is shown than you would see if someone was wearing a low-cut shirt or even a swim suit, and yet, there is always someone ready to throw a shit fit if they see a woman feeding their kid the way they were intended to.

 Because the breast has been sexualized. And women have been objectified. And men and women alike have agreed that the sex part of the breast is more important than what it's actually meant for. And BECAUSE it's been so sexualized, a 3 year old breastfeeding really gets people going. I mean, clearly that child is going to have some sort of Oedipal issues in the future because mommy continued to give him good (the best) nutrition and comfort for longer than a few months of his life. The long-term amazingly awesome side-effects of breastmilk are ENDLESS. Meaning they don't stop. Not at the age of 6 months. Not at the age of 3. When the breastfeeding relationship stops I think should be between mom and baby and NO-FUCKIN-BODY ELSE.

 Personally, I got sick of it when my daughter was 2, and managed to wean her by 2 and a half. Here is the most offensive picture of ME breastfeeding that I could find. Sophia was 26 months old in this picture. She has no known issues. At all.

I felt like I'd done my duty. But I wasn't apologizing to anyone when she asked me for a snack at the restaurant cuz by god, I was eating too, ya know? That's like saying "NO. Eat your fucking manufactured pink-meat chicken nuggets instead of this amazingly nutritious and readily available FREE meal I can give you right here and now!" ..... inane. Fucking inane. I don't get it, you guys. I don't. Why should a mom have to stop giving her kid something good because of the kid's age? Just because YOU find it sexual? the kid doesn't. I can tell you that. And if you push that idea on the kid, THAT'S when the issue starts.

If you tell the kid it's not natural or you start making a fuss, that's when the kid's head starts getting messed up and WHY DO YOU THINK THE WORLD IS FULL OF CHILD MOLESTORS AND RAPISTS? I'm just saying. Stop fucking people's heads up with your own fucked-up-ness. It's kind of like how a child is never going to look at a child of another race and say "wow, I hate that nigger because she has a different color skin than me. In fact, because she looks different I will treat her like shit and maybe make her my slave". That kind of shit doesn't occur to children. We put these twisted ideas in their heads. So if you stop acting like something is sinful and horrible.. something that ISN'T SINFUL AND HORRIBLE... then we're probably going to avoid those oedipal issues you're so worried about, you psycho.

 Go get therapy.

 Just a side note about fake titties. I love them. I'm probably going to get them. But I'm past the point in my life where my breasts are being useful to anyone at all, and I'm flat like a man, and I want to fit into clothes like a normal female. I think that's a natural desire.
 And kind of like my butthole, it's up to me if I want to sexualize them when they're not being used for their natural purpose. Just sayin.

 Other things that piss me off --

 Don't turn right onto a 4-lane road and pull into the LEFT lane right in front of someone going the speed limit and proceed to go 25 mph when the right lane was perfectly empty and there for your use, or I will honk my horn and probably flip you off. If I could moon you and drive at the same time, I would, but I'm not that talented.

 People who oppose gay marriage.


 That's it, basically. That squirrel is a smart motherfucker. Two young women that I love are getting married in Boston today. I wish they could be getting married here, but they can't. Because of people who think that them getting married is really going to make their marriage somehow less valuable? I don't fucking get it. I guess I just don't understand stupidity. I guess that's really what this is all about.

 If you're stupid, I don't understand you, and I kind of want you to either make yourself LESS stupid or go fall off the earth.

 People named Liz. I've never met a Liz that wasn't ruining the world, causing cancer or permanently harming small children and innocent men. Don't name your child Liz. Just don't. Save the world one less Liz at a time.

Anyone who doesn't appreciate Adam Levine. You have a problem.

 I was going to write about depression and motherhood today, but I feel a lot better now that I've vented. I'll save that for later. Peace out, fuckas. I'm sure I'll add to this list later.

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