I've had my share of strange, obsessive crushes over fictional characters and/or celebrities over the years.
Usually, if I'm in a semi-good place, crushing on a REAL human being in my life (and maybe the feeling is returned by 1/10th), those feelings for "fake" people go away.
But... at the age of 27, I'm suddenly finding myself sucked in by a couple of not-so-prominent actors (maybe then, more AVAILABLE?!).... and the characters they portray.
First off, Hugh fucking DILLON, aka Ed Lane, the really hot canadian bald cop in Flashpoint.
He's bald. He's a cop. He's ripped. He's married to a girl that's not nearly as hot as him (in the show). He loves his family, and he's good at his job and does it for the right reasons.
I don't need to point out the fact that this reminds me very much of the REAL man I'm in love with, whose name will never be mentioned on this blog. In fact, we will just call him LOML.
I can't decide if I like Hugh or LOML or Ed Lane more. I can't decide why I like them, actually. They are everything that is toxic to a woman's world.
Married to their jobs. Ex-drug addicts. More relationship and mommy issues than a serial killer. Amazing in bed.....
I'm not going to say which person each thing applies to.
Second off, we have Josh friggn Radnor aka Ted Mosby on How I Met Your Mother, which is an amazing sitcom that I JUST discovered and only just started watching season 2 of on Netflix. Usually between the hours of 2 am and 8 am.
I didn't find him attractive at first. Kind of like my prematurely balding christian boss at the job I hate. But then things grow on you. Like those chocolatey brown eyes and their cute funny little quirks, or how nothing ever goes right for them and suddenly *I* want to be what goes right for them.
And after all, they are pretty freaking cute.
All of this is really happening because within the past 6 months, three men who I was once very in love with and who had major impacts on my life have had newborn babies with fiances/wives/girlfriends. Men who told me they'd never get married again. Men who told me they would rather shoot themselves in the balls than have another baby.... with me.
Men who... you know, told every cliche lie in the book, and then found a woman that was loveable and changed their minds about everything.
And, LOML left. He went away, right when I thought we'd have a chance to give things a real try. The past four years have been a real saga, man, we could make a TV show of THAT shit.
But it'd be X rated and really sad.
..... except it could be kind of funny, because what are sit-coms, but turning the sick reality of fucked-up real life into something to laugh at? So that we can SURVIVE IT.
We have to laugh.
I have to laugh.
Even if what's-his-name's newborn is really really cute, and I wanted her to be ugly like her mom.
Even if they're all happy and I'm just alone, and trying to GET my head back above water. I've been drowning, and here and there, I've been getting a few breaks, a few moments of fresh air in my lungs.
I feel sometimes like I might NOT die from all of this. Not yet.
So I crush on people I can't have, including the real man in my life.
And I watch sitcoms and drink spiked non-alcoholic wine.
And research things I may never get to do. Later, I'll dream.
And even later, I'll wake up. Meh.